1. Never walk without a document in your
hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking
employees heading for important meetings. People with
nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the
cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look
like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure
you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus
generating the false impression that you work longer hours
than you do.
2. Use computers to look busy.
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the
casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail,
chat and generally have a blast without doing anything
remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal
benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution
would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When
you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught
-- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself
to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the
rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough.
Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To
the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's
work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide.
If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the
document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack
and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People
don't call you just because they want to give you something
for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work
for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls
through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message
for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during
lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks
like you're hardworking and conscientious even though
you're being a devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try
to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the
impression that you are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss
is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks
that you always wanted to read but have no time until
late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss'
room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly
hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving
the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table.
Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals
are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the
jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in
conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to
understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT:
DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Source: Caught in the net
