Some of the great messages in answering
machines:
1. Hi! This is John: If you are the phone
company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend
me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
2. Hi! John's answering machine is broken.
This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and
I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
3. Hello, you are talking to a machine.
I am capable of receiving only stupid messages. My owners
do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through the office and
don't need their picture taken. They are also very happy
with their current phone service. They don't like bathing
and brushing their teeth. Today's weather is good for
dating. Hey, are u listening..? If you're not an idiot
and still with me, leave your name and number and they
will get back to you before this year-end.
4. If you are a burglar calling to check,
then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right
now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably
aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
6. Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding
someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't
call back, it's you.
7. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail
System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded
and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers
will be able to use the sound of your voice for literally
thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no
charge for this initial consultation. However our staff
of professional extortionists will contact you in the
near future to further explain the benefits of our service,
and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember
to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.
over
